All Revved Up...

Sorry, Simon Sinek...finding your why isn't new but it sure is a deal breaker.

Where ya goin? Why you headed there? 

No matter how much we flounder, we always have choices. There are endless possibilities of places we can go. Deciding where to go and how to get there can overwhelm the most ambitious among us. Maybe it’s a fear of making a mistake? Perhaps it’s unnerving to consider our full potential?

As Marianne Williamson wrote in “A Course in Miracles” (1992),

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

In order to live our full potential, we must first come to know WHO we really are and how we can best reveal our gifts and value to the world: Our own PIPELINE OF AWESOME. We have to get clear on WHO we are before we can figure out anything else.

Because it serves all of us for everyone to open up their pipeline of awesome, I invite you to follow this link to discover a hidden truth about yourself that will make all the difference in how you work, play, and love. If you know you can be more aligned, more successful, and more satisfied - take the Hidden Code Quiz designed by my colleague Linda Albright to uncover your hidden secret weapon (that’s right under your nose.) 

Until you find your missing ingredient, you’re in conflict with the powerful forces in your life and won’t get where you want to go. When you line up, you’ll enjoy unlimited influence & opportunity, and make perfect, powerful decisions.

Along with figuring out WHO we are, we have to determine our WHY.  In keeping with opening up my own pipeline of awesome, I recently published the story of how I rose up from the pain of my past in my book, “Little Landslides.” It’s unlike any of my other four books. Why? Exactly. It addressed my “WHY,” the reason I do what I do in the way that I do it.

Shortly after its publication, I began meeting with the folks at B.A.C.A. (Bikers Against Child Abuse) to see how we could partner together to heal more people and prevent more trauma from happening in the first place. For those of you who haven’t heard about this passionate group of protectors, their purpose is to foster a sense of safety in victims of child abuse by accompanying them to court to rise up against their abusers.

Can you imagine being a child abuse victim and walking into court to speak out against the person who hurt you? How terrified and confused would you be? In walks B.A.C.A., looking badass and protecting you just by standing there, knowing that there’s an adult who’s got your back.

I fell in love with this group of angels in leather from jump because we connected at a core level: How?

In recognizing that victims create more victims. Every minute that we retell our victim story to ourselves, to others, in word and in deed, we deepen our trauma bond to that experience. When others don’t stand with and for us, and when we don’t stand for ourselves, we play those old tapes until it’s the only sound we hear.

I want more for you than that.

You are not your experiences.

You are your decisions,

and those decisions rest on your perception of yourself and others.

Invite me to speak to your organization about the choices we have about our perceptions, our experiences, our power. When people recognize their own power and influence, we rid ourselves of the victim tape that threatens collaboration, productivity, and smooth working relationships.

Curious about B.A.C.A.? Prepare to be moved when you watch this video.

"Outlaw" motorcycle riders and gangs are often viewed in a negative light, but this gang, B.A.C.A. is breaking that stereotype. B.A.C.A. or Bikers Against Child Abuse is an international non-profit charity organization whose main mission is to empower children who have been abused.

Who's Holding Your Power?

Dear Dr. B,

A friend of mine recommended that I check out your work and when I saw your photos I knew I was meant to find you. I figure that a woman holding a whip and smiling knows a thing or two about power. That’s my struggle right now: Understanding how I can be more powerful in my own life. I’m hiding in the shadows, being supportive of those around me but not really having anything to call my own, including opinions. Growing up, power was a dirty word so I don’t know how to handle even the concept of it. Can you please help me understand how I can fix this?

~ Sheepish in Seattle

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Sheepish in Seattle,

I’m so glad you found me!

Power is one of my favorite subjects for a whole host of reasons.

You’re so right about power having negative connotations. It’s developed a bad reputation because it’s often been abused by those who have possessed it. Power, like many resources, can be addicting to obtain, typically for all the wrong reasons. Personally, those of us who have had someone in a position of power take advantage of us (which, come on, is most of us in one way or another) both desire power and can be nothing short of repulsed by it. For a five-letter word, it’s a pretty loaded one.    

Now, for a moment, ponder this: What if you had a lot of power and you used it benevolently? Wouldn’t that be fabulous? What if the causes and conversations you most valued could be positively influenced because of you? How would that change the world for the better? If all of us stood in the full glory of our personal power and used it for good, what a wonderful world it would be.

If more of us claimed more power we could make such differences in the lives of others and leave a positive footprint on our world.

Why do we avoid it, aside from the negative connotations?

I could write a book about this (Wait! What a good idea!) but I’ll just tackle one really big piece of the puzzle right now.  

Wanting to fit in.

As humans, we need to belong to a social order or, from an evolutionary perspective, we perish. We need others. tend to find ourselves Wanting the approval of others, no matter what the cost. When we step into our power, using our voice to be authentically us, we take the risk of being rejected by others. Maybe they won’t like us? Maybe they won’t agree with our choices? The more bold we are, the greater the risk. That’s placing your power in the hands of others, often without them being prepared for that responsibility. Most people are just trying to make it through their day, not even aware of their effect on you, yet you might be handing them your future. Whhhyyyyyyy?

We’re really just afraid of our own potential. Of standing out because we have a unique gift that might be loud. As Marianne Williamson writes,

“Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself, Marianne. Thank you.

What relationships might shift if you used your voice more? What ones might falter? Are you ready to receive those outcomes? I want you to stand fully in your power, to use your voice for good, so I’ve got your back. Who else in your life has it? Who has been encouraging you to step out of your comfort zone? Start to build your inner circle now, seek encouragement and support from them.

And, of course call me. As a seasoned member of the Badass Brigade, I’ll be in your corner from here on out.

Peace,

~ Dr. B

Panic at the Desk-O

Dear Dr. B,

I'm miserable. I am working 60 plus hours a week, stressing out over every email, project, and conversation. My most direct boss is one of my biggest fans but there is some political nightmare going on in the organization and I'm being targeted. Every day I come to work, waiting for the ax to fall and for me to lose my job. I feel no reward for all of the hard work I'm putting in. My boss says he's powerless to do anything given the way that our organization is structured with the multiple reporting relationships and panic that seems to have taken over our company, with lawsuits looming and reorganizations a clear threat. What do I do? 

~ Panic at the Desk-O

~~~~~~~~~

Dear Panic at the Desk-O,

I wish this was uncommon, but, unfortunately for a whole segment of our population, it’s not. Work can’t pay us enough to offset its taxation on our well-being. I found your question very telling, since the answer is right there in the text.

You’re miserable.

To quote Jim Rohn, “If you don’t like how things are, change it. You’re not a tree.”

Why on Earth are you still in that job? Do they treat you well? Do they treat other people well? Are they playing fair?

Bottom line: Do you TRUST them?

If the answer to that is “no” (which I can predict it is), get out. Quit. Go. Find a place that deserves your unique talents, work ethic, attitude, and leadership acumen. You are not this job. You need it far less than you think you do. When you think that this is the last job on the planet, you hand over all of your power. Take a drive into an industrial park and look at all of the offices. Those all have jobs that maybe you could do. Think about that. There are a ton of businesses who would feel fortunate to have you. Stop being miserable. Stop being treated like a commodity. Show some self-respect or no one is going to treat you with much.

You must endure what you tolerate, my friend. Stop it. Just stop it.

In the (short, I hope) meantime, if they fire you (or give you the option to resign), call an attorney to make sure your rights are protected, then THANK them. Thank them for doing for you what you refused to do for yourself: Getting you out of that hellhole.

Bless and release.

NEXT!

Peace,

Dr. B